Dazed and Confused.

September 4th, 2010

Sometimes you go to the birds. Sometimes the birds go to you.

This time of year, a few birds knock themselves cuckoo by hitting our windows. And they’re almost always the same species. The Veery.

This happened yesterday. Heard a smack against our bedroom window. On the ledge below, there it was: A Veery, dazed and confused.

It was breathing hard, eyes closed. Then eyes half open. An hour later it had flown away, glad to say. That’s the usual outcome, although I’ve seen them DOA on occasion.

During migrations I’ve seen dazed birds on the sidewalks of Chicago under hi-rise buildings. All kinds, including Veerys. I’ve also seen American Redstarts there, and other warblers.

Northern Flickers, too (you wouldn’t expect this of a hard-headed Flicker). And once, even a Woodcock that bystanders were calling an odd pigeon. They were right about the “odd” part. Ever see a Woodcock?

But when it comes to birds hitting my suburban windows, Veerys top the list. In fact, they own it.

Coincidentally, a two-fisted nature girl named Denise just emailed a cell-phone photo of a bird she’d found near her house. It was dazed and confused. I knew that look. Denise asked if I could I.D. the bird.

“Veery,” I replied, and she wrote back, “I think it’s something else.”

Maybe she’s right. There’s a bunch of Veery look-alikes. The Hermit Thrush, Gray-cheeked Thrush, Swainson’s Thrush.

Whatever the name, it was a wild bird that got concussed by a window. It was dazed and confused. I was dazed and confused, myself, last night after a few beers. Just ask the friends I was out with.

The good news is that today’s another day. And also that Denise’s bird—whatever it’s called—snapped back to life and flew away. If you ask me what it was, I’d still say Veery. Am I sure?

I’ve got a one-word answer for that. Figure it out.

A kick in the Jurassic.

September 1st, 2010

There’s a dead tree around here overlooking a swamp. In its upper branches, you see cormorants. Double-crested Cormorants, by name. Although they don’t have even a single, visible crest.

Today I looked at them and realized they’re dinosaurs.

This shouldn’t come as a surprise to me or anybody. We’ve all heard that birds descended from pre-historic sci-fi monsters.

The only new thing is that today, the thought hit: Hey, these hulking birds didn’t descend from dinosaurs; they are dinosaurs.

A Nova rerun that I saw last night is responsible. I don’t want to get all scientific here, but it showed some guy in China hammering open a rock, and there was a dinosaur fossil flattened inside. The fossil had a faint indication of feathers.

A prototype dino-bird? Maybe. Feathers don’t stick around like bones do. We’re not sure who had them way back when, and who didn’t.

It got me thinking: What if this one little bird-like dinosaur wasn’t the only one that had feathers? What if all dinosaurs did?

Maybe T-Rex was feathered like an Osprey instead of walking around with bare reptilian skin. Maybe the dinosaurs we saw in Jurassic Park were based on incomplete interpretations of the fossil record.

Imagine how we’d picture dogs or bears if we never knew they had fur. Naked, and looking nothing much like dogs or bears.

But wait. Didn’t feathers evolve for flight?

Maybe not. Let’s ask an ostrich. Point is: what if feathers came first, maybe as a protective covering. And flight evolved later for the small, lightweight dinosaurs. Feathers just made it possible. Hell, that’s for the science geeks to work on. They’ll get it straight eventually.

Meanwhile, today when I saw cormorants I thought: living dinosaurs.

Later I saw a Great Blue Heron at the edge of the swamp. And Mourning Doves on a wire, a circling Turkey Vulture, a flock of Starlings. I saw a Kestrel on a traffic sign, and a couple of American Goldfinches on the wing.

I still thought: dinosaurs. Not just the prehistoric-looking cormorants. All birds. Including the chicken you’re having for dinner tonight.

Dinosaurs haven’t gone extinct; they’re singing outside your window and sizzling on your grill.

August was a Double Dipper. September is on!

August 31st, 2010

laptop-w.-magnify-glass1111

August’s Hidden Bird Contest got off to a drab start. This made sense. The hidden bird was drab. Unless you knew what it was. Then you’d realize it was interesting: a bird that walks under water. An American Dipper.

Toward the end of the month, we mentioned on Facebook that entrants for August’s contest were coming in slowly, and that turned things around. We wound up getting a stream of last-minute Dipper discoverers.

We got so many, that it was only fair to pick two names out of the hat.

So, from all the people who found the hidden American Dipper amid “The Ferruginous Hawk” in our “Stories” category, we pulled these names:

Chris Reynolds of Pawling, New York, and Olli Haukkovaara of Valkeakoski, Finland.

Congratulations Chris and Ollie. You’ll each receive a Two-Fisted Birdwatcher hooded sweatshirt. To everyone else who found the American Dipper, thanks for birding on our site, and for your commentary. Now, let’s go again.

September’s hidden bird is: Red-Headed Woodpecker.

This is an all-time favorite, with a name that actually makes sense. A photo of it will be in plain sight and have no caption. It could be in any part of our website listed on the Contents page.

binoc girl

It might look like it belongs where it is, or like it’s been dropped in just so you can find it. As always, there’s no need to leave Two-Fisted Birdwatcher by going to outside links. The Red-Headed Woodpecker will be right here, somewhere.

What if you find it?

You get to say, “Gotcha!” It’s like birding in the wild, but you can do it from your keyboard. Then there’s the prize you might win: Everyone who contacts us with the location of the hidden Red-Headed Woodpecker will be in a drawing.

We’ll pick a winner at random (usually just one—in spite of August’s double dipper). The prize will be a Two-Fisted Birdwatcher hooded sweatshirt.

To tell us where you found the bird, use our Contact page. Or click “Leave a Comment” under any story on the site. We’ll reply to let you know you’ll be in the drawing. Good luck!

The Dippers.

August 30th, 2010

I see dippers. The birds? Mainly, yeah. But other kinds, too. I’ll get to those in a moment.

I guess I’ve got dippers on the mind because our contest is ending tomorrow. And it involves a dipper that’s hidden on this website.

After mentioning on Facebook that we didn’t have the usual number of entrants, we got a boatload of last minute dipper discoverers. Not sure why Facebook’s worth something like 33 billion. But it did goose our contest.

I also see dippers that aren’t birds. Started when I walked my dog every night. I’d look at dark treetops for silhouettes of owls. And I noticed stars. I got to know the dippers. Big and little. Ursa Major, Ursa Minor.

Minor is well named, and doesn’t always show up. But you can count on Major, the big dipper. Always visible, pointing to the North Star, Polaris.

Those dippers in the night are not as interesting as the uninteresting-looking birds called ”dippers.” There are European versions, so we call ours “American Dippers.”

I saw them working in a creek that ran through a mountain town in the Rockies. Fast water didn’t faze them. They were doing what field guides said: walking on the bottom.

I’ve seen birds dive before. There’s a Pied Billed Grebe that visits our neighborhood pond. I watch it dive out of sight and pop up somewhere nearby. But the grebe, like cormorants and loons that do similar dives, are basically just swimming.

Hell, we can swim.

But how many of us can use our toenails to walk along the bottom. Against the current. That’s what dippers do. They hold their breath, grab on and walk, picking insect larvae and other bits of underwater food as they go.

The dippers in the night sky can help you navigate. But they don’t do much except show up. The dippers of the bird persuasion are stunt men.

That’s why I’m glad we received a bunch of last minute entrants for our August contest. Whether you’ve entered or not, whether you win or not, I hope you see a dipper some day.

Not one on a website, and not just the easy ones in the sky, but a real American Dipper dipping under a real American stream, walking on the bottom, then popping back up, looking uninteresting.

Until it goes under again.

Let’s change stupid bird names.

August 24th, 2010

A second “guest essay” comes to us from Bob Grump. It’s ironic that Bob’s essay is about stupid names. His own name is, well, let’s just say…hard to buy. That’s okay. Sometimes writers use pen names. We don’t mind. Once again Bob Grump makes good points, as he did in “What the hell is a hectare.”  After his essay, we might weigh in with an opinion of our own about what he says here, if you want to read that far. You may not agree with the guy, but he’s interesting…

By Bob Grump

Okay, Mr. Two-Fisted Birdwatcher, I’ve got a suggestion for you and your readers out there.

I think you’ll like it, because I’ve seen that on your website you often grouse about birds having stupid names. No pun intended.

By the way, ever notice how people say “no pun intended?” That’s bullshit. It’s always intended.

So, here’s my idea:

Start a groundswell movement…get your readers to suggest better names for birds. Not all bird names, just the stupid ones.

"...a dick what?"

"...a dick what?"

Come on, two-fisted birdwatchers, does anybody really want to see a Peewee? How about a Hudsonian Godwit. Can you say Hudsonian Godwit with a straight face?

The Indigo Bunting sounds like something in your grandma’s knitting basket. Can you tell your girlfriend you saw a Yellow-Breasted Chat, or a Dickcissel? Dick what?

I think you mentioned these names in your blog. That’s why I bring them up again. I figure you’re gonna support me because you’re already on my side.

I KNOW you recently wrote that a Green Heron isn’t green, and a Great Blue Heron isn’t blue…and a Great Crested Flycatcher isn’t crested. Or great. We’re on the same page, right?

You, and other regular folks who are interested in birds, have been saddled with using stupid names that have been passed down to us from bird namers who were cuckoo.

Hey, that’s another one. Cuckoo. Yellow-billed, Black-billed…the clock.

Okay, what do we do about it?

Trust the people, that’s what I say. They have a way of righting things. Just give ‘em time, and a voice. Ask your readers to pick a bird name that bugs them. Let ‘em write in with their idea for a better name.

"Bark Hammer?"

"Bark Hammer?"

Say somebody doesn’t like “Yellow-bellied Sapsucker.” So they suggest another name. Like, for example, “bark hammer.” That’s one I kinda like.

Somebody else (maybe you, right?) says they don’t like “Bald Eagle,” because (as you also pointed out in one of your stories) this eagle ain’t bald. Maybe the person says we should call it a “fierce fish-eater” instead. Personally, I’m not wild about that one. But run it up the flagpole and see who salutes.

So that’s my idea. Have people get caught up in this thing. Let’s see what happens. It’s about time, you know. And it’s something we can do something about.

We can’t do much about the collapse of the economy, military unthinkables, kids squawking in restaurants, new human and computer viruses, all the crap that’s coming down the pike every day…but we can do something about stupid bird names!

Spread the word!

Sincerely,

Bob Grump

Bob wants us to spread the word. Okay, if you’ve got any bird names that you could improve, let us know. If there’s enough interest, maybe we’ll make a another contest out of it. Like our “hidden bird” contest. And the best name wins a prize. Or maybe we’ll invite everyone to vote for a winner. Might even send winning ideas to the American Ornithologists’ Union and get the bird officially re-named. Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Maybe this will go nowhere. If that happens, all we can say is: Sorry Bob Grump, whoever you are.

sabrina

Laughing Moose.

August 21st, 2010

It was easily seven feet tall at the shoulder, with long legs. Big spread of antlers. A showy rack. I’d heard that antlers like that can flip a person over a tree if things go bad.

I wasn’t worried. This moose looked lazy. Not moving. Sleepy-eyed, and busily chewing something. Too gawky to be a threat. A big, slow bull.

Well, that theory’s bull. I can laugh now. Actually, the moose did some laughing at the time. Or at least I thought he did.

I was somewhere near Yellowstone, in the woods. I’d seen a Western Tanager and other birds that we don’t have back home.

Western Tanager
Western Tanager

Gray Jays, Clark’s Nutcrakers, Steller’s Jays, a Golden Eagle overhead, big noisy Ravens; and a few Northern Flickers, that are called “Red-Shafted” out west.

These have red under their wings, a red Nike swoosh on their faces instead of a black one like eastern Flickers have. And no red on their heads. Quirky little regional variations in design.

Then I saw a dark brown animal and I stopped caring about the design of red-shafted Northern Flickers. At first I thought it might’ve been a grizzly. If it had been, I’d have been meat.

But it was a moose. I’d never seen one before. I had a camera, and the animal wasn’t moving. This was going to be good. I eased in for a better look.

The moose heard one camera click too many, too near, and spun toward me. Fast. Faster than a horse. I’d never seen any big animal move like that. Quick feet for a monster. Its racked-up head swung toward me and dipped, a clear sign that it meant business.

I’d seen bison earlier, and a distant bear, too. Both bison and bear, though big, moved slowly. The moose was bigger. How could it be coming on like a lightweight fighter?

Easily seven feet at the shoulder...

Easily seven feet at the shoulder...

I took off. He might be faster on paper, but this wasn’t on paper, and I don’t think anything could’ve caught me.

But I ran into boggy ground I hadn’t noticed. Soon my feet sunk to the ankles. Wet mud grabbed my boots. I went down on my belly. Got a face full of warm glop. It tasted like worm.

My camera was under me but didn’t get ruined. Neither did I, as it turned out. When I looked for the moose, it was way back there, pulling up vegetation, unconcerned.

But I heard him laugh. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the vegetation he was chewing; it was laughter.

I couldn’t blame the moose. I’d run into a bog and fell in mud. He’d made his point (“Don’t get so damn close, camera boy!”), and I looked like a clown.

All in all, a good experience and fun memory. It emphasized what I already knew: when you go bird watching you sometimes see other things.

Once I saw nudists in a creek. Once, I saw a fox chasing several deer—an inexplicable incident. There’s more to bird watching than watching birds.

And another thing to know: big, lumbering characters should not be underestimated. They can be faster than they look. If you’re lucky, they’ll have a sense of humor, but don’t count on it.

“Quack?”

August 19th, 2010

This guy shows me a picture of an odd bird that he saw on the beach at South Haven, Michigan, near Chicago. Asks me to name it.

I go temporarily dumb.

“Bird watcher?” he says, “Man, you’re more like a bird quack.”

This is a good put-down because the guy’s a doctor, and the word “quack” carries weight in his business.

It’s doubly good because it comes as a result of my getting stumped by a waterfront bird. (It’s long-legged and wouldn’t quack like a duck. But there are ducks in its neighborhood.)

The bird is familiar. I know its name. But I’m stuck. Why? Could it be the Blue Moon beers that the doctor and I were drinking? Could it be the deep martini that came before the beers?

“Wait, wait, I know this bird” I say, “…a Stilt. Yeah, something like that.” My heart isn’t in it. The doc diagnoses my indecision. (“…bird quack.”)

Okay, to quote an odd movie, The Big Lebowski, “Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you.” Win some, lose some.

So it does me no good to suddenly have the name of the odd bird hit like a punch right after the doctor and I part company.

But there is solace in knowing that the bird doesn’t really belong around here. Not on a Michigan beach, or anywhere near Chicago. The field guide in my mind came up empty because I’m thinking Midwest.

And it’s a Western Bird. I’ve seen these birds on California beaches. But never near Chicago. The doc’s right to say he’d seen an odd bird.

Here’s the picture that he took. Do you know what it is? Of course you do. But we can’t go back and impress him with our knowledge. That bird has flown.

image

Ticked off.

August 16th, 2010

My cousin works in the North Woods on the rez. He’s an archaeologist, and the tribe hired him to analyze their history.

I told this guy he was lucky to work in the woods. He said yeah, but ticks are a problem. There’s a bumper crop.

This reminded me of an experience I’d had years ago…

I’d gone into the same woods to take pictures. I spent an afternoon concealed in deadfall near a creek where I’d set out chicken from a can. Wanted to attract bears or coyotes. Maybe see a bobcat. I had binoculars and a camera.

A coyote came. It was big. Might’ve been a wolf. And a fox showed up. Separately of course. Later I saw porcupines, deer, Great Blue, and Black-crowned Night Herons, Scarlet Tanagers, Evening and Pine Grosbeaks. Several types of woodpecker and an Osprey. Bald Eagles, too.

At my rented cabin on Lake Gogebic, I took off my shirt and noticed wood ticks around my middle. A lot. They must’ve crawled in when I sat on the ground. They were bloated with my blood.

Generally there are two kinds of ticks to know: Wood ticks like these, and smaller deer ticks. It’s the deer ticks that carry Lyme Disease. Wood ticks can give you Spotted Fever and Tularemia. But I wasn’t interested in the science of tick-borne disease at the time.

I was freaked.

There’s a procedure for dislodging ticks, but at that moment I forgot it. I slapped and scraped.

(Procedure? Yeah, right. I’ve heard you’re supposed to stand still when you see a grizzly. But when you see one, you’re gonna run like hell. So much for procedure.)

The ticks came off like velcro being un-stuck. They popped out or broke up, and piled on the floor. A smeary mess. Not a proud moment in my exploring experience. I showered and soaped and didn’t get a tick disease.

But there are tick diseases you should know about. What are they? Sorry. This website is about birds and fun. If you want to read about sickness, the internet is all too obliging. Google away, but be careful. It’s crazy-making stuff.

Just remember that when you go into the woods, there’s a bumper crop of ticks these days. And they can make you pay a price in blood for every other thing you see there.

The case of the flying scream.

August 13th, 2010

“I’ve got a problem,” she said. “I think I need…a bird detective.”

She smelled good. Jungle Gardenia, or something. I don’t know a gardenia from a garbanzo, but I like jungles. “How can I help you?” I said.

“Every night I walk Derek,” she answered. “And now we’re afraid. We can’t do it any more.”

“Derek?” I asked.

“Come on,” she said. “You and I are neighbors, Mr. Bird Detective! He’s my German Shepherd. You’ve seen him.”

Of course. I knew him. I knew her. She was the pretty woman who worked in our community as a theater director. I said, “Of course. Please go on.”

"I've got a problem..."

"I've got a problem..."

“Well,” she said, “a few nights ago I was walking Derek, rewarding him with Yogurt Yummies when he does his business. And there was this unholy scream behind us! Scared us out of our socks!”

“Where did this happen?”

“End of the street. By the woods. Gave me chills. Then I figured, hey, we have a coyote in the neighborhood, right?”

“Right out of a cowboy movie,” I said.

She said, “I remembered poor Cheech.”

Cheech was a cat who lived on our block. He disappeared recently and we were all warned about coyotes.

“Could a coyote be what howled at us? She asked. “Doubt it,” I said. “Coyotes wouldn’t get close.”

“And they don’t fly!”

“And coyotes don’t fly, do they?” She said, leaning forward, eyes wide. That got my attention. I said, “Fly? What are you talking about?”

"...they don't fly!"

"...they don't fly!"

“Mr. Bird Detective…here’s where the story gets weird,” she said. “The shriek happened again, louder, but this time over my head. This is why I’ve come to see you. What kind of bird scared us?”

“Hawks scream pretty loud,” I said. “But not at night. And there’s no motive.”

“Then I heard it again!” she said. “A block away. Still blood-curdling, still high in the sky.” She raised a shapely arm, with a shapely hand and a shapely finger pointing. Up. “Since then, I’m afraid to walk Derek at night. He’s not getting exercise.”

“Or Yogurt Yummies,” I added.

It sounded like she was describing the scream of a cat. They can make a loud caterwauling. Hey, could that be where the word, “caterwauling” comes from?

“Ever hear a cat scream?” I asked.

“Yeah, it was kinda like that,” she said. “But cats don’t fly. Besides, we haven’t had a cat in the neighborhood since Cheech was eaten by the coyote.”

“I’m not so sure,” I said. I was getting an idea about what had happened. I’d seen something at the end of that street, too, a long time ago. Sometimes the only clue a detective needs is a memory…

It was a black silhouette against a black sky, right out of a Halloween story. I’d shined a light on it, back then. Big yellow eyes stared back, unafraid. A Great Horned Owl doesn’t get afraid.

"...this wise guy was involved..."

"...this wise guy was involved..."

I had a feeling this wise guy was involved. Owls don’t do screams, but they sure can cause them. “It was an owl,” I said. “Great Horned. And great big.”

“Why would it screech and scare us like that? Hey, was it a Screech Owl?” she asked. “There are Screech Owls, right? I’ve heard of them.” I nodded. This babe knew birds. “Yeah, there are Screech Owls. But this was a Great Horned, and deadly quiet.”

“So what made the noise?”

“There’s more than one way to skin a cat,” I said. “And more than one cat in this neighborhood.” She was all eyes. Nice eyes. “Hmmm,” she said, “I guess there could be other cats…poor Cheech couldn’t have been the only one.”

I said, “One of those other cats must have got out, and had been following you as you walked Derek. Probably smelled your Yogurt Yummies. Cats hunt at night, and they’re quiet.”

I reached for a field guide. Opened to the owl page and showed her The Great Horned. I said, “This guy grabbed that cat, the cat that was tailing you.”

She studied the page. I said, “Take a look at those talons, madam director. They steal the show.” The illustration showed a large skunk skewered in the owl’s claws. A cat would’ve fit even better in them.

“And the cat,” she said, “…made the noise!“

“He caterwauled,” I added. She said, “Poor thing. Those talons must have hurt. And he kept screaming as he was carried up, and away…”

“Which explains why the screams were flying,” I said. “No bird made them. But a bird caused them.”

"Derek will be pleased."

"Derek will be pleased."

You’re good, bird detective,” she said. “And Derek will be pleased.”

“Because now he can walk at night again?” I said.

She shook her head. “Not just that. I think you exonerated a relative of his.”

It took me a second, but I saw her point. And I said, “Aha…the same owl probably got Cheech. A coyote wasn’t the culprit, after all. You’re pretty good, yourself, madam director, take a bow.”

~

A word about “The Bird Detective” and his adventures:

They’re an homage to two-fisted detective writing made popular by guys like Robert B. Parker and Mickey Spillane. But there’s a difference. Even though the pieces in this “Bird Detective” category seem playful, they’re all based on events that are entirely true. The story about the Cardinal that banged on a door, the cop who let a speeder go free because of a Pileated Woodpecker, the crow that got eaten thanks to a misguided tuna sandwich…the scream that flew…all these things really happened. How could they? It’s a mystery.

Hot wind and wrong names.

August 10th, 2010

I’m standing on the north shore of a small, woodland lake. The wind is blowing out of hell.

It’s a hot wind. But temperature is not the reason it’s from hell. This wind has come up here after blowing over Chicago, which sits to the south. It carries factory smells, car exhaust, burnt rubber from highway tires, greasy urban humidity.

A Green Heron comes in for a landing. His skinny wings stretch and slow him, like a jet on a carrier. He walks in the shoreline mud. Doesn’t see me because I’m not moving, just watching.

Green Herons are small for herons, but have the predatory beak and long legs. It hunches its shoulders, and is all eyes, looking for fish or frogs.

It’s got orange legs, white neck, a rusty body. What it doesn’t have is the color green.

Yeah, there might be a weak excuse for some vague greenish-gray on its back, but this doesn’t cut it.

Reminds me of another heron, another visitor to this lake, another misnamed bird. The Great Blue Heron. It’s tall as a big kid; with eagle wings, long legs and a sword beak. It’s gray, white and black. What it’s not is blue. It’s a great heron, okay, just not a great BLUE heron.

When the wind is blowing out of hell, you get pissed about little things.

Author Raymond Chandler wrote that when L.A.’s hot Santa Ana blows, “…it can…make your nerves jump and your skin itch…every booze party ends in a fight…”

I think about bird names, and wonder what the hell caused some to be so wrong.

Herons are only part of it. The Great Crested Flycatcher isn’t great, and doesn’t have a crest. It’s pointy headed, but so are other flycatchers. Including one called a Peewee.

Ever see a Red-bellied Woodpecker? I like the word “belly” and think it’s amusing in any bird’s name. But this guy’s belly ain’t red.

Then there’s the Yellow-bellied Sapsucker. Same thing. Although, there’s a tinge of yellow near the crotch. But not much. You couldn’t even call it a Yellow-crotched Sapsucker.

And the Bald Eagle’s not bald. It’s got a full head of thick, white feathers. The Golden Eagle’s not gold; it’s brown.

And so it goes.

True, some birds have okay names. The Blue-Gray Gnatcatcher works. Especially if you spot one while it’s catching gnats. And the Blue-footed Booby’s a good name, because it’s got blue feet and it’s a Booby.

The Green Heron takes off while I’m thinking this. Must’ve got tired of finding no food on my shoreline, or maybe he noticed me. He flew south, into the wind.

He moved with healthy energy, comfortable in his own body. He didn’t know that he was called a Green Heron even though he’s not green. Or that the wind was blowing out of hell.

Why should he care about such things? Why should I?

Time machine.

August 7th, 2010

I’m on the shore of Lake Superior in the wild U.P. where the locals are called “Yoopers.”

This place exists apart from time. The year could be 2010, 1950, or 1492. You have no way of knowing. Not even a jet plane’s track spoils the sky.

This superior lake looks pretty unspoiled. By comparison, its kid brother, Lake Michigan, seems cloudier. Maybe civilized shorelines domesticated it. Lake Michigan’s a dog; Superior’s a wolf.

The idea of a wolf reminds me that wolves are common around Lake Superior. Nearby Isle Royale has packs. Moose live there, too. Moose and wolves; a consumer society.

The woods rising behind me from the stony beach have black bears. Also bobcats, coyotes, the occasional lynx, Pileated Woodpeckers, a Ruffed Grouse that I almost stepped on. And skittish deer, nothing like the jaded suburban kind. It’s said there are cougars, too.

This place is a time machine. I dialed “pre-industry” or “pre-human” or “pre-smog,” whatever. And hit the button. Like I said, it could be hundreds of years ago. Hell, it could be thousands of years ago. Maybe a mastodon will walk by. My archaeologist cousin found mastodon bones in a field south of here. Yeah, a mastodon would be at home.

I turn to the lake and raise my binoculars. Over Superior I look for gulls but get nothing. That’s okay. Gulls aren’t that interesting. And earlier I saw three Bald Eagles. Black Terns, too, near a small forest lake.

I also saw Evening Grosbeaks, Ruby-throated Hummingbirds (unexpected in the North Woods, but perfectly at home), the grouse, three kinds of herons, an Osprey that seemed uncomfortable on eagle turf, a flock of out-of-season Snow Buntings and Ravens.

Plus, I figure I’ll see Pileated Woodpeckers on the trail. These make me think of the time machine again. They’re pre-historic looking with pterodactyl profiles.

porcupine.Iphone

I move into the forest, climbing. There’s something odd in a tree. Baby bear? No, it’s a porcupine.

I get close and take its picture with a cell phone. No prize winner, but it records the moment.

The porcupine was quivering. Guess I made him nervous. I left him alone quickly. Here, above Lake Superior they call this place the Porcupine Mountains.

It’s Michigan’s “Porcupine Mountains Wilderness State Park.” I figure: yeah, they got that name right. I have a picture to prove it.

I move up the trail. Lots of pines. It’s quiet. This is a good place to be. And this is a good time to be here. Because it could be any time at all.

Planet Australia

August 4th, 2010

Some wise dude once said: “The itch to travel is partly an itch to live in a different bird book, somebody else’s field guide.”

Okay, that dude was me. In “Itch Vs. Twitch,” one of these Daily Sightings pieces.

Hey, if you can’t quote yourself, maybe you’re not saying much. All that aside, those words came to mind again today…

A package with exotic markings arrived. Inside, was my new copy of “The Birds of Australia, Eighth Edition,” by Ken Simpson and Nicolas Day, with Peter Trusler.

This is from Princeton Field Guides, another example of their fine work. If you want to travel vicariously by “living in somebody else’s bird book,” here’s your ticket.

The birds in this book look familiar at first. But just wait.

You know you’re in for a ride from the opening pages. They don’t start with boring sea birds the way our guides do.  This book opens with giants that waddled out of the Dr. Seuss department. Then you get the boring sea birds.

But boring’s the wrong word when talking about Australia. The country’s birds are a Star Trek episode.

Remember how characters on the Enterprise looked human until you got close? Whoa, that guy’s forehead has bony plates. She’s got three nostrils. Somebody’s blue.

They weren’t all humans on that starship. Some were humanoids. And the birds of Austalia? An American might call them bird-oids.

That’s not what hard core ornithologists would say. These guys know Australian birds, and won’t be fazed by their strangeness.  Ornithology geeks will be wowed about the updating of rare species, the changes in taxonomy, the “Vagrant Bird Bulletin.”

But America’s two-fisted birdwatchers who are NOT ornithologists will read this new field guide like a sci-fi novel.

Up front, there’s a color map of Australia showing that it’s a round continent, give or take a few pointy parts. The image of a globe cannot be denied.

You’re looking at Planet Australia. And there will be bird-oids down there.

Flip to any page. The birds might at first look somewhat similar to those in American books. But, look closer. That crane’s not exactly a crane; it’s a “Brolga.” Looks, like a crane, walks like a crane…but:

“Brolga.”

Flip further into the book. Is that a page of thrushes?  Wait; they’re not like any thrushes you know. There’s a “Cinnamon Quail Thrush.” A whole new model, with a whole new color scheme.

Flip some more. The “Red-Capped Robin” is designed by an artist who doesn’t exhibit in your home town.

And for us ordinary bird watchers, the oddities just keep coming: There are Pittas, Sittellas, Pardalotes, Logrunners; a Chowchilla, a Drongo, and Figbirds.

There are Flowerpeckers and Australo-Papuan Babblers. Spinebills. And Magpies that don’t look like Magpies. Crow-like “un-crows” that are called Currawongs. And what Australia doesn’t have in the way of woodpeckers, it makes up for with parrots.

There are almost 400 pages, 780 odd birds. Literally. With maps, charts, checklists, scholarly text sections and useful tips.

A trip to Planet Australia. The only thing better than going through this book would be going through this country. (You could talk to a guy named Steve Davidson, at the Melbourne Birder, about that.)

Meanwhile, a little armchair birding is always fun. This guide to planet Australia makes it exotic fun.

Illinois Anhingas and Irish Palm Trees.

July 28th, 2010

The other day we heard from a guy named Greg who has a lot of two-fisted adventures. His latest involved seeing a White Ibis and an Anhinga in Illinois. You can read about it on our Facebook page.

Wait a second: did we just say “in Illinois?” Anhinga? White Ibis? Those birds don’t belong in this state. They’re jungle birds.

That got us thinking: Illinois isn’t entirely what you might think. You think it’s midwestern corn until you hit Chicago, which is smoky and windy, with the country’s tallest buildings. Illinois is a routine northern state, you figure.

But consider these places: Modesto, California. Fort Knox, Kentucky. Cortez, Colorado. Page Arizona. Yucca Flat, Nevada…Bizerte, Tunisia.

Tunisia? That’s sandy, with camels, right? And hot. Arizona, California, Nevada? All seem kind of south-of-here, you know?

But they’re located at the same latitude as the Illinois swamp where Greg saw his rare birds. 37 degrees north, give or take a few steps. Draw a line around the globe, starting at Carbondale, and it’ll run through Tunisia, California, Nevada, Arizona, all those warm-sounding places.

This talk of latitude and biological oddities reminds us of when we saw palm trees in Ireland.

From Dublin to Kerry, in latitude fifty-something (just like the temperature), Ireland has palm trees. See for yourself, if you don’t mind a crummy cell phone shot.

irish palm

Why are there tropical birds in Illinois and tropical plants in Ireland? For Illinois, the answer is easy: it has its toes in the south. Jungle birds are comfortable visiting there.

And the Irish palm question is basic botany. Ireland, cool as it is, never drops below freezing. Palms can abide cool; they just don’t like frost. So they like Ireland. And you will, too, when you go.

As far as liking swamps in southern Illinois, well, if you see an Anhinga or Ibis while you’re there, maybe you won’t mind the bugs and water moccasins. Water moccasins in Illinois? Hey, if we got Anhingas…

Binoculars don’t spot birds. People spot birds.

July 26th, 2010

A comment recently received….

“My wife purchased a pair of Bushnell Binoculars during a recent trip to Grand Teton National Park.  We did not have much of a choice in a small store at the lodge, but now that we’re home I’m wondering if we made a good choice in spending the $90. Can the “Two Fisted Birdwatcher” put an informative article on-line as to all the different options: auto focus or manual, one handed or two handed devices, magnification pros and cons, etc. This may be particularly useful for those who are new to bird watching. (Notify me about new posts and other two-fisted news items.)”

— Avi V.

Avi, thanks for the question. But as the title of this post suggests, the same dubious bumper sticker wisdom that spawned the phrase, “Guns don’t shoot people. People shoot people.” applies here.

photo1-225x300

The gun philosophy is controversial. Polarizing, too. We want no part of that action. But the similarity to your binocular question is unavoidable.

It’s not about the binoculars. It’s about the birds. And the bird watcher. Still, we wish we could jump into an informed discussion of optics for you. But in spite of the countertop display (see photo) that we encountered–unexpectedly–in a local wildlife outfitters, we don’t have much to say about binoculars or scopes. We’re not into the hardware. We’re into the wild.

I enjoy ID-ing birds bare-eyed, if I don’t have a pair of binoculars handy. And when I do use them, any kind are just fine. As it turns out, coincidentally, I also have the Bushnells you mentioned, and think they’re great. Clean, crisp views, and built sturdy.

But I’m easy. If you want real expert opinions, go to this link: http://www.ilbirds.com/index.php?PHPSESSID=6cbe0f5a4ac61f5578597a85e16d7195&board=20.0. If that didn’t work because it’s so freakin’ long, you can also get there by going to Illinois Birders’ Forum, www.ilbirds.com, and looking under “Resources – Birding Equipment.” There’s a lot of other good stuff on that website, too. While you’re there check it out.

Meanwhile, here’s yet another twist that parphrases a common observation about guns: “It ain’t the binoculars. It’s the guy holding them.” I guess that’s what we believe. Good luck, Avi. And thanks for subscribing to Two-Fisted Birdwatcher.

Hot and quiet.

July 23rd, 2010

It’s high July. High nineties. High noon. A good time for bird watching? No way. Do I go? Sure. Just want a little wildness around me.

A grasshopper lands on my hand. I shake it off, a chicken reflex that I’m not proud of. There are butterflies. More than usual. Big yellow ones and a big purple one.

I remember reading somewhere that these bugs were originally called “flutter-by’s” and got Spoonerized into “butter-flies.” But they don’t hold my interest.

I came with binoculars to see what meager bird sightings I’d find during this quiet time. And there’s a black Indigo Bunting. Huh.

Its blue plumage runs dark anyway, but this one’s high on a branch with backlighting, making it into a black silhouette.

I see bright yellow American Goldfinches. You can count on them in summer when other birds are scarce.

Then a big score, and well-named: A Summer Tanager.

It’s like a Scarlet Tanager without black on wings and tail. All red. Hadn’t seen one yet this year. A hot sighting for a hot day.

I walk on and meet a guy down the trail. A serious dude with a tripod scope. We nod. He says, “Get the Summer Tanager?” He’d noticed my binoculars.

“Yeah,” I say.

He nods. Then, “Well, have a good day.”

I say, “Hey, you too.”

A proper trail interchange: brief.

There’s a sign by the entrance that says “Conservation Area.” Some people must think it says “Conversation Area.”

You see them in here sometimes, yakking away, causing wildlife to hide. Nice people, sure. You’d talk with them at a bar or barbecue. But in the wild, conversation is best kept short. Like the one I have with tripod guy.

Back in the parking area, my car is an oven. I air it out. Too hot a day to be bird watching. Yeah, I don’t believe that.

Even if I didn’t see a Summer Tanager or Silhouette Bunting (new name for this bird), I still would’ve had a grasshopper land on my hand, thought about the odd origin of the word “butterfly” and walked through prairie grass near big trees.

A quiet day in a quiet place in high July.

From “Great Pretenders.” A 2nd excerpt.

July 19th, 2010

The first excerpt from Great Pretenders has been on this site for a while, and gets a number of readers. We’ve been asked, “What’s the book about? Where’s the rest?”

Two-Fisted Birdwatcher figures you don’t want to wade through lots of words. That’s why there’s been just one excerpt. But, maybe it’s time for another. A new one appears below.

These are from a novel in progress. A name change is under consideration.  Perhaps, it should be called “The-Two Fisted Birdwatcher.”  Or “Adventures of a Two-Fisted Birdwatcher.” Let us know what you think of that.

It’s about a business geek named Ben Franklin who drops out of the wilds of big city office life and drifts into the wilds of the American west, where he has an adventure.

There’s a lost girl to find. There are birds. Bad guys. Other girls. Guns, arrows, bears, chases, beer-drinking, more birds, fighting, and did we say other girls? Plus deep thoughts, even a little redemption.

Someday this novel might make it to a bookstore. Meanwhile, here’s a second excerpt. Hope you enjoy it.

West Beckwith Mountain 2

From Chapter 45…

Ben had stretched the truth a little, an occupational habit, by letting Archie assume he was an experienced rider.  Truth was, he’d ridden as a kid, but only on dispirited day camp horses, dragging their tired butts along the level bridle paths of suburban Chicago.

Strawberry was different, moving with the responsiveness of a sports car.  The horse seemed to dislike trotting as much as any sensible rider does, and had just two speeds.  Walk or gallop.

After the initial whip-lashing surge, the galloping would smooth into an undulating rush through slapping grasses and overhanging leaves.  Ben felt like yelling out, as though on a roller coaster, but there seemed a need to maintain dignity in the quiet mountains, especially in front of the horse…

iStock_000006721262XSmall

Strawberry moved deliberately, picking his way over slippery stone while Ben, a helpless passenger no longer feeling he was in the driver’s seat, let the reins rest in his hand against the front of the saddle and gave himself up to the pitch and sway, enjoying the sharp scent of evergreen, the squeak of leather from a hundred complicated connections in and around the saddle, the scrape of metal-shod hooves on grit.

His was a sunny trail this morning, and he nodded his head, going with the motion, as in agreement that this was just a kind of perk, part of doing a job well.  If he twisted around in the saddle, he could make out the red dust road behind him that wound back toward the ranch.  In the distance, white smoke was rising from what must be the barbecue fire.  He wouldn’t really be on his own until he topped the rise and got it between him and this outpost of civilization.

The idea of being cut off plunked a chord somewhere under Ben’s heart, and adrenaline flushed from it, filling his chest with nervous heat, making his pulse flutter, the thin air becoming suffocating.  He was reminded of the feeling he’d had, lost and crazy when separated from the girl that day in the woods.  No way, not this time.  He had the stalwart Strawberry for company.  And all the comforts of home.  You can’t be lost when carrying food, clothes, shelter, fire, water, map, compass, even a radio beacon if needed…

This calmed him.  Only trouble now was that a surprising sadness inched its way forward, caused by the very insight he’d just found reassuring.  The well-packed animal was indeed now house and home.  It was his only true address in the world, having left the city with bridges burned.  What was to become of him?

A bird flew in front of the horse and alit on a trailside branch, unconcerned with Ben’s problems or proximity, not having been conditioned to fear horses or anything growing out of a horse’s back.  It had a deep red body, sharply delineated black wings and tail.  This bird didn’t belong here.  Ben recognized it as an Easterner, like him. And this distracted him from nerves, funk and self-pity.  Ben and the bird looked eye to eye as he passed, two strangers in these parts.  A wordless moment of something like kinship.

iStock_000004372273XSmall

When Ben turned his attention back to the trail, he saw it had topped out.  They were in a clearing, under a big sky.  The horse blew a snotty Bronx cheer to announce his arrival, a raspberry from Strawberry, and dropped his head to feed on knee-high grass, sending up clouds of tiny flies which attacked horse and rider with enthusiasm, excited as insects will be by sweat and blood.

Ben dismounted.  He’d only been in the saddle an hour, but his legs were feeling funny, as after ice skating.  He tied the reins to a sapling, ignoring traces of the recent nervous buzz resonating somewhere inside.

He opened one of the overstuffed saddlebags and had the faint impression of himself as a kid, unwrapping presents.  The Jack Daniel’s bottle still carried morning coolness.  He twisted the cap, breaking the seal with a satisfying snap and took a long swallow, enjoying how it bit back. He replaced the bottle, and it clanked against the wrapped-up revolver.

iStock_000001722001XSmall

Behind him stood the tightness of trees they’d ridden through.  Ahead, the meadow sloped into a V-shaped landform that reminded him of a woman’s inviting legs.  It was well grown there with summer’s healthy vegetation, making the comparison (coaxed along by the healthy swig of Jack Daniels) all the more inviting.

The horizon lay green and rolling, with hazy mountains hovering above, seemingly unconnected, floating like clouds.  The ad guy in him couldn’t help thinking…fade in music from Magnificent Seven…it builds, swells…but Ben shook the guy off.  This was too good for theme songs.  Too big to need help.

He went back to the saddlebag, this time pulling free the gun belt and its loaded holster.  He buckled it on, enjoying the weight of it.  He adjusted his hat to keep the sun out of his eyes, untied the horse and swung into the saddle.  Ben didn’t look back again.  He touched his heels to Strawberry’s sides and lit out across the meadow at a gallop, the old Stetson tipped forward, his long hair flying out from under it, the six-shooter hefty on his hip, good whiskey hot in his blood.

Itch vs. Twitch.

July 14th, 2010

Sal, Dean and I are at the bar. Sal says, “Life’s an itch.” Dean says, “Then you die.” A new twist on an old banality, thanks to several beers.

I jump in, just to be friendly. “Sometimes, life’s a twitch.”

These smart guys know what “twitch” means when a two-fisted bird watcher says it. But this odd British word gets what it deserves. No response.

“Itch” caught my ear because I’m getting an itch to travel. But I’m not going to twitch.

When I arrive someplace different, I notice local birds. This makes travel better. You don’t even need wilderness. At Denver’s airport I see Black-billed Magpies. This means, okay, I’m in the Rockies.

Near Disney World, we see Boat-tailed Grackles and Cattle Egrets right away. Don’t have those back home. Must be Florida. Cool.

In Ireland, you’ve got gray-and-black Hooded Crows that we don’t have here. In Bermuda the Great Kiskadee’s common. Around the hotel in Maui, trees are loud with introduced Mynas, and you see gray-and-white Red-Crested Cardinals.

The itch to travel is partly an itch to live in a different bird book, somebody else’s field guide.

That’s the itch. What’s the twitch? It’s something way different. It’s for the heavy hitting, two-fisted birdwatchers who make this interest into a Nascar-style sport.

Twitching is traveling someplace to see a bird you heard about. Twitchers get news from the bird underground. Like: there’s an Anhinga in Terre Haute. The twitcher will drop everything and head there to get a rare Indiana Anhinga for his list.

A pinkish Ross’s Gull in Boston draws twitchers from all over. This is an Arctic bird, and when spotted here, it’s a coup for a lister who’s a twitcher.

There you go: musings over the words “itch” and “twitch.”  A little bar-fueled reverie. Although you wouldn’t say reverie in the bar. Even the comment about life being a twitch brought profound silence.

But who cares. I’ve got an itch to get out of town. Maybe in the Southwest I’ll see a Trogan or Phainopepla, but I wouldn’t go there just to see them.

That would be twitchy, which ain’t me. If it’s you, I tip my glass in your direction.

New Zealand birding guide wanted.

July 11th, 2010

The other day a guy named Sandy wrote us, asking if we knew of a guide who could take him around New Zealand and parts of Australia.

It got us thinking: People have questions and they’re looking for answers. Maybe we can provide an occasional service in “Daily Sightings.” So here goes: Presenting the first ever bulletin board posting on Two-Fisted Birdwatcher.

“…Experienced birder is looking to bird New Zealand, North Island, South Island and Stewart Island with a private birding guide. Planning to spend two or three weeks in this endeavor. Would also consider birding the northeast of Australia with a competent birding guide. The Australian side-trip would be prior to New Zealand or immediately following. Considering the period from mid September to the end of October.”

Another reason why we’re posting this: we have some friends down under. When it comes to two-fisted countries, Australia and New Zealand wrote the book. (Hey there, Melbourne Birders).

If you’re a guide who can handle the job, or if you know of one, let’s hear from you. Use the contact form on this website or the comment box below. We’ll pass along your information to Sandy.

Thanks. Maybe we’ll use “daily sightings” for other kinds of bulletin board notices. There was a guy not long ago who asked us if we knew the name of a blue-headed red bird that he saw in upstate New York. And another guy who asked us to help him identify a vulture-sized bird that had a forked tail.

We responded with an answer to the fork-tail mystery, and the guy wrote back: yeah, it was a Frigatebird. But as far as blue-headed red birds, well, we didn’t think Painted Buntings were in New York. But then, birds can go anywhere they want.

And so can birders. Good luck, New Zealand explorer.

King.

July 8th, 2010

There’s a great open prairie near here. It’s yellow and wild. Wade through it and you could be somewhere in the American Midwest five hundred years ago. Forget the freakin’ jet contrail in the sky. It’s five hundred years ago.

The sun is strong. The wind is dry and hot. The grass moves. And there are Kingbirds here. They own the place.

These are Eastern Kingbirds. Don’t get too excited. They’re not rare, they’re not life-list material, they’re not particularly good looking.

All that aside, my neighbor wouldn’t know a Kingbird if it bit him on the butt. Neither would the guys I have beers with. But that’s okay. I have this particular interest in such things.

I watch the Kingbird and realize my original impression of drabness is wrong. It’s brightly white in front, got a strong black crest and dark back. With white tips on its tail, like the tips of eagle feathers.

(A miniature Mohawk chief could have worn a miniature headdress of Kingbird feathers and it would have had those white tips, like any decent headdress.)

Okay, I look to see what else there is in the prairie. And over there, I see another Kingbird. Then another. By the time I cross the prairie I’ve seen more than ten.

Kingbird prairie, I call the place. And I notice that all these birds behave like kings. They’re haughty. They stand their ground. They don’t take any crap.

When I was in high school the toughest kid in our tough neighborhood had the nickname “king.” He had scars on his eyebrows and growled. Everyone crossed the street when they saw him coming.

Back then, I wondered if he acted tough because his name was “king,” or if he was given the name because of his behavior. This old question hit again in the prairie.

Do these haughty black and white birds with great posture act sure of themselves because they’re “king” birds, or did some ancient ornithologist give them this name because of the way they looked?

Dumb question. They don’t know what we call them, and wouldn’t care.

But then I saw a Yellow-breasted Chat, a bird with such a stupid name I wouldn’t tell anyone I saw it. And that bird looked sheepish.

In the same prairie I’ve seen Dickcissels. I have no idea what they thought of themselves, but I didn’t have a lot of respect for them. Could it be the odd name?

I like names like “bluebird” because the bird’s blue. “Indigo Bunting” is a pretentious name. If you come home and tell your wife you saw an Indigo Bunting you feel a little fussy.

But I don’t have to tell you about bird names. If you’re true to yourself you probably have to admit some are pretty silly. Dickcissel. C’mon.

But Kingbird, now that’s a name to take seriously. That’s a bird to take seriously. Just ask one.

Southern Illinois Strikes Again.

July 6th, 2010

Greg Neise has sent us a birding adventure. Actually, a misadventure. Thought we’d share it. Greg’s a guy who’s explored the uncharted Amazon. Illinois should be tame by comparison. But nothing’s tame when the gods of birding conspire to trip you up. For more birding adventure, information, links and other cool stuff that birders at every stage of the game need to know, check out the web forums that Greg has created. Locally, there’s Illinois Birders’ Forum, and nationally, the new North American Birders’Forum. Meanwhile, here’s a recent adventure….

“Southern Illinois Strikes Again.”

By Greg Neise

I think that Southern Illinois has its own pantheon of renegade birding gods, that somehow I have blasphemed. Maybe it was my impertinence in my quest for a Swainson’s Warbler, which no one living north of I-70 is allowed to see.

Maybe it was the great string of luck that my pal Skrentny and I had, right under their noses, last year. I don’t know…but whatever it was, I do know that I pissed them off. Royally.

Randy Shonkwiler and I set out from Berwyn, Illinois this morning at 3:30 am. Or we would have if my alarm had gone off. That should have been a clue that something was amiss, and a higher power was $*#&-ing with me.

Randy called, sitting in his car at 3:45, waking me up and initiating the fastest S-S-S ever recorded. Ever. Recorded.

Late, but not too late, we headed onto I-55 for the long haul down to the St. Louis area where we had a small laundry list of goals for the day: White Ibis (state bird for both of us), Scissor-tailed Flycatcher (state bird for Randy, year bird for me), Western Kingbird (life bird for Randy), Least Tern (life bird for Randy, year bird for me)…and maybe a Black Vulture (lifer for Randy), if they’re hanging out south of Kidd Lake.

As we were hurtling southbound, approximately 130 miles south of Chicago, Randy glanced down at his instrument panel.

“Huh… the battery light just came on”

Limnothlypis, chief of the Southern Illinois birding gods, smiled from her perch at the top of a huge dead bald cypress.

I checked the owner’s manual to see what, exactly, the battery-check light meant. As with all warning lights on the control panels of American cars, this one was pretty specific: it either meant the battery was dead, a belt was messed up or there was a Cracker Barrel 30 miles ahead on the right.

The car seemed to be doing just fine despite this warning, so we pushed on, vowing to make a stop at a service station to check it out when we got to the St. Louis area.

Limnothlypis laughed aloud and instructed one of her lesser gods, Ciris, to take action.

Suddenly the entire instrument panel (except for the passenger-side air bag light…??) went dead. The speedometer, which a second ago was teetering just a hair over 65mph, read zero. We had no fuel. The engine was revving at zero RMP and was cold as a stone.

“Huh… the dashboard just died”

Limnothlypis cackled and screamed, doubling over with laughter, and kicked a Fish Crow…just because.

We pulled off at Business 55 in Lincoln and looked for a service station. At 6:35am. On the Saturday before the 4th of July. Limnothlypis howled in delight and bitch-slapped a Barn Owl.

We found a gas station, and the friendly people there told us that there was a repair shop just 3 storefronts up the road that would be open at 8am. We waited, and at 8am, no one showed up. By 8:30, no one had shown up. We gave up.

It was at this point that I had an epiphany: WINKS!

Here we are, stranded with a dead car in central Illinois, and one of our own non-southern Illinois birding brethren just happens to be of the Winks Shell family at I-55 and Market St. in Bloomington (one of the last true full-service stations left in North America…if you’re passing through, stop, get some gas and say hi).

I called. He answered. “Hey, where you at?” I asked.

“Working…driving the tow truck”, came the reply.

GENIUS!!! We were saved! Matthew was coming to get our asses. Hallelujah.

Limnothlypis wrinkled her rusty brow. She didn’t see this coming. Hmmm…time to put Ciris back to work, and maybe send another of her minions, Eudocimus, along for backup. Ciris is reliable enough, but he’s all show sometimes, without a lot of follow-through.

An hour later we are at Winks Shell, smiling and having a great time shooting the breeze with our birding pal while Randy’s trusty Malibu gets a new alternator. We would be out of here in an hour and off to see our birds.

After about an hour, the mechanic (Matthew’s brother, John) and Matt confer. Like a doctor approaching the family after a routine hang-nail removal results in death, Matthew approaches us:

“Bad news, guys…we can’t get you a new alternator until Tuesday or Wednesday at the earliest.”

Limnothlypis erupts in delight, toppling out of her perch at the top of the dead cypress tree (a state champion) and lands in the swamp, flattening the first Illinois record of a Limpkin.

Okay…time to wrap this up: we wound up driving back to Chicago, sans alternator, and just managed to limp home. About 15 minutes into the drive, my phone rings: it’s Jim Malone.

"See ya next time..."

"See ya next time..."

“Hey where are you guys? We got the white Ibis, and there are two dark Ibis as well…one of them’s a Glossy”.

“AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!” (Another state bird for both of us)

Limnothlypis rolled about in the swamp, kicking her legs in the air with unbridled joy—almost taking out an Anhinga—and she screamed to the sky:

“Y’all come back soon now, y’hear??!!??”

I’m shooting for Wednesday.

Epitaph: Randy did get a year bird: a Eurasian Collared Dove in Lincoln.

Note: For those unfamiliar with Greg’s birding gods, it might be useful to know that Limnothlypis is part of the Latin scientific fancy name for Swainson’s Warbler. Eudocimus? Same thing, but for the White Ibis. Ciris? Ask Greg where he got that one. Don’t think Painted Buntings could be involved, but who knows.

–TFBW